Useful Mindsets in Dealing with Male Competition - I

by: VinDiCarlo
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Word Count: 535

Have you avoided approaching a girl just because she is talking to another guy?

Or maybe you avoided approaching a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you feared embarrassment just because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.

There are a couple of reasons why most guys are too shy in approaching women who are with other guys.

They assume that the girl is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.

This shouldn't be the basis of not talking to a woman. Especially in a social setting like in the bar, where people meet other people. Plus - that woman is not a "slave" of the guy or a piece of property, she's a human being and is free to whomever she chooses to talk to.

Approaching a woman who is "with" a guy often will make you look extremely confident, and draw out his jealous side, making him look insecure and weak.

The other reason guys don't approach women with other men points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.

Men tend to be threatened by other men, they assumed that the "other guy" is more cooler, stronger, or somehow powerful than they are.

This comes from an ancient survival strategy that had been fixed into human brain.

The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious, and it's hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is in any given interaction. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is.

A guy doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.

To assumed that the guy is a threat is the safest way to play. Because guys that are too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take them a single mistake that can end up their game.

And then their genes were taken out of the "race" so to speak.

Those guys that avoided confrontation and played safe are the one that can successfully reproduce and survive.

The irony of this is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - guys avoid women unnecessarily because they are making false assumptions.

Here is the thing, mostly when you see a girl talking to another guy in the club or bar, she's not WITH him.

Usually, they JUST MET!

For many instances I've approached a girl with a guy thinking it was her boyfriend, then only to find out that he was just a random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.

I think of all the times I completely avoided talking to a woman because I saw her with another guy. I regret having missed so many opportunities. Which brings me to my first point:

I SHOULDN'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL I SEE A PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE GIRL.

Approach a woman so that you will know what they really are. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.

So use your brain - just don't be stagnant in making a false assumptions.

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